Unresolved Trauma: Part 1 - Trauma in Everyday Spaces

Ask yourself the following series of questions:

1. Have you or an immediate family member ever been incarcerated?
2. Has your house ever burned down and you were forced to start anew?
3. Were you ever abused?
4. Did you grow up in a single parent household?
5. Were adult responsibilities forced on you at an early age?
6. Did you have a child at an early age or with someone that you are no longer with?
7. Have you had to choose between paying a bill and eating?
8. Has your circle of influence been unsupportive or overtly negative?
9. Have you experienced the loss of a close friend or relative?
10. Are you black?

If you answered yes to any of the previous questions, then you have experienced a form of trauma. Yes, I am fully aware that I said that "if you are black" then you've experienced trauma! I doubt that there is a black person in the US that hasn't at some point or another thought about the possibilities of police harassment/brutality or have clinched the steering wheel for dear life when they saw police lights flashing in the rear view mirror. Some of you have probably experienced several of the listed cases and therefore have experienced serial trauma. 

Have you had the opportunity to vent and to formally resolve the emotions and feelings that were a direct result of each of your traumatic experiences? If yes, then you are a model of what we should all strive for; if no, then you should schedule an appointment immediately.
​
The impact of unresolved trauma can be more detrimental to your mental health than the trauma itself. You are probably saying to yourself, “Dr. G I’m tough and I’ve been doing fine thus far…” but many times we unknowingly carry the baggage of unresolved trauma and it manifests in unpredictable and uncontrollable ways. 

If you ever find yourself randomly feeling anxious, angry, sad, depressed, or unsettled then these may be signs of unresolved traumatic stress. By not openly acknowledging the feelings and emotions associated with your traumatic experience, you are normalizing the traumatic experience. You are basically telling your brain, “These types of "messed-up" experiences are normal and good for me, so get used to it!” As a result, your brain agrees and adjust your chemical signals to not react as shocked the next time the experience occurs.

Alone, that mental adaptation is not so bad…in theory, you are better prepared than most to deal with trauma; however, the problem arises when you need to interact with other people.

A significant part of the human experience is our ability to communicate and to share emotional experiences with each other. By normalizing trauma, you are significantly impairing your ability to emotionally develop and to build meaningful relationships with others, which can be traumatic in itself and can lead to an even greater downward spiral of events.

Whether you like it or not, you are a human being and it is best if you treat yourself like a human being. As human beings we need to share our emotions and we also need to vent tough situations to other people that we trust. If you ever experience a trauma, then be human and talk it through with your closest friend(s) or a community of other people who have experienced the same trauma. Trust me, you will notice the payoff immediately.

Below I have a few tips to deal with trauma that you have experienced and a few resources that may also help.

Tips for Dealing with Trauma
​

1. Have lunch with your best friend(s)… and openly share your experience. Provide small details at a time to gauge whether that person is emotionally mature enough to listen without passing judgement. Good friends know you through and through, so no matter what you tell them it will not change their perception of you as a person. Don’t overthink it, just share and release. Multiple sharing experiences with different people can be very helpful to get many different viewpoints a helpful advice.
2. Actively Engage the Trauma…don’t just forget about the trauma, own it! Think about the trauma and the situation thoroughly. Determine how the situation came about and come up with some action steps or a plan to be prepared the next time it may happen. Developing an action plan communicates to your brain that the experience is not undefeatable and that you have the power to overcome it. If your plan does not work, develop a new plan until you succeed. Never lose confidence in your ability to solve problems. If the problem is bigger than you, then seek assistance from people you trust.
3. Create Safe Spaces with Your Peers…others around you may be experiencing hidden trauma, so it is important to create an open space for your friends and acquaintances to share their feeling and emotions. Think about how your trauma made you feel and how difficult it was for you to share with others. Be to your peers, what you would want your best friends to be to you in times of need. Fostering a safe space for open dialogue and discussion, without passing judgement, will do wonders for your own mental help and the mental health of your peers!

I am not a professional mental health expert so here are a few professional resources.

Help Guide to Mental and Emotional Health
https://www.helpguide.org/articles/ptsd-trauma/coping-with-emotional-and-psychological-trauma.htm

​Psychology Today
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/200111/recovering-trauma